what do you do when you wanna have never been born..but you dont wanna die?

I dont know what's wrong w/ me...I feel that I'm falling againAnd I hate when I fall because I never see the bottomUntill I hit it really hardI feel that I should have nothing to be sad aboutYet it's getting too hardI really got fooled I really thought that this time I had itMy purpose..And now I've been remindedMy nightmare never left me..it just hid from me..But now like a disease it's consumed me againI fear this is the endNo more's to be saidDamn me for being so dumbDamn me for what Ive becomeDamn me I'm a horrible personDamn me I've fallenBut as I close my eyes one last timeOne more tear doth I shedFor the life that I leadFor the thoughts in my headBut you'll never get itGod knows I never did